NEVER WILL I

(One of those few poems I wrote...where I focused on...what I am feeling...instead of what I'm writing...wrote it on 9th December, 2010)

Never will I say goodnight to you again.
When I want you to stay another few mintutes.
Never will I say, thinking is a waste of time.
When I never can keep you out of my brain.

Never will I say, it's ok, I didn't mind.
When I feel, of all the people why did you hurt ?
Never will I say, I'm really fit and fine.
When moaning in pain still, I think, glad you asked.

Never will I say, I had lots of fun today.
When I know deep inside, I missed you every second.
Never will I say, sorry I didn't see you at all.
When I scream within, why you noticed me so late ?

Never will I say, you don't look so good.
When I can't ever take my eyes off your face.
Never will I say, I don't care if you don't talk.
When I plead to you inside, please just don't ignore.

Never will I say, I am happy all alone.
When I want you to be by my side always forever.
Never will I say, nothing good ever happened to me.
When silently I say, except for the time we met.

Never will I say, I can never fall in love.
When I realize within, I am lying to you once again.
And never will I write a poem, saying it's imagination.
When It's your name, that's written all over again.

THE RAIN IN MY EYES

(A lonely soul's thought...on a cold rainy day...walking all alone in the rain...so that nobody knows that he's crying...wrote it on 8th December, 2010)

There's a rain deep inside my eyes,
Filmsy strip like a lace paper window pane.
Breaking apart the onerous might, off they fall,
From the burdened clouds of mournful grey.

The world outside pouring heavily down,
The leaking shutters, the pelting sound.
Embracing mud over the little sodden hill,
Standing tall, the weeping willow cries still.

Within the dark, in a prison of a room,
The mind roaming an unfamiliar territory.
One missed call, an unfinished song,
Rattling pages, syncing the wind blown rain.

On the tinned rooftop, on the concrete road,
Soaking into sands, upon the windscreen.
The first rain of winter falls wet and cold,
From the sullen clouds over the black forest fringe.

Opening door, with my cold feet upon wet floor,
I slowly walk outside to the distant shore.
The driving drops advance their gears up,
To camouflage the sneaking drops within my soul.

Wringing skin, dripping wet with icy chill,
The rain in my eyes and I, no more we fight.
Finally standing upon equal bearing now are we,
This cold rain, myself, in complete harmony !!

BROKEN PROMISES

(Sometimes when we suffer...we look for a certain someone to be there for us....and when that someone is not there....the suffering amplifies thousandfold....wrote it on 26th September, 2010)

In the blinding darkness of every night,
I die in my sleep for loving memories of you.
Yet I am reborn from ashes in my dreams,
To be there once again living in for you.

In my every silent sighs and scream,
I seek for your face, one little touch.
In every passing tick of the clock,
I need you a little, too often, maybe too much.

I discard all voices, the sound of strings,
To hear my own heart beats, craving for you.
I fall to the floor, the day stands still,
I long for you still, moments even if it's few.

I remember all the promises of your voice,
The pledges that were made in your face.
Of being there for each other ever always,
Inspite of what future beholds in upcoming days.

But now every moment, that scuttles past me,
Alone I fight the writings of my forsaken fate.
I look around, but you aren't there for me.
Broken promises of the past, is all that I get.

In my oblivion, in the wake of my mistake.
On a lonesome road, on a forgotten track.
I need you, but even though you're close to me,
You're still so distant, and I can't bring you back.

THE DOOR

(Sometimes we wait forever for someone...and we never realize that the person we are waiting for...waits just outside the door...and all we need is to unveil it....wrote it on 20th July, 2010)

I wait in the world of qualm,
In the midst of isle of lore.
Where the veil came crumbling down,
Enhancing to join the dawn.

Then I slowly close my eyes,
And reminisce of those blissful days.
Now I move over you, my oblivion.
Until I breathe, I call you my home.

And this is where it will begin,
The germination of a novel life.
Unveiling the aged crypting door,
Little hopes and petite aspirations.

For years I've walked the road to you,
Escalating the sense of emulous youth.
I followed the path of the wise,
Yet you remained so distant apart.

And now here it is all sown,
Inspiration, unclosing an unseen door.
And now here it would be revealed,
My enigma, unveiling an enthralled door.

OBITUARY

(Some fragile thoughts that came up in my mind....wrote it on 18th May, 2010)

In the closet of night, up and close
Greeting death, I write my own obituary.
I looked back, though nothing beckoned
Not a crying face, no mourning soul.

I can see you standing rather so near
But you no more trigger fear deep within.
For I can no more fight my haunting dreams
I wish to be loose and free forever more.

Driven away by hate, consumed by fear
Unknowingly I was caught in your shadow.
I wondered if there's anything I could say
But then I was lost in nothingness inside me.

Scorned by all, my fellow mates and allies
I slowly shed the byes to emply spaces.
Gazed hard upon the stony face of my fate
A life is lost, just when it started to begin.

Death, I see you getting close every jiffy
Now I'm just too frail to turn and run.
No more I keep you bearing far and wide
Greeting you still I write my own obituary !!

I'LL CATCH YOU, IF YOU FALL

(Yesterday someone asked "Who ?"...when I was sharing the poem title somewhere...I didn't have an answer then...and now after waking up in the middle of the night...for writing this poem down...I'd say, "Guess it's you, for giving me the idea !!"....anyways in reality this is for a fragment of my imagination....wrote it on 4th April, 2010)

So this is life in the end of the day
Quiet nights, gloomy stars up away.
And I'm here from monday to sunday
Cause you're fragile and I'm awry.

So you fall when the nights grow up
Deep in your sleep and won't wake up.
But I'm here sitting right beside you
And I'll wait even if you never knew.

Don't you worry I'll be here for you
Holding to the world that is all new.
Even if you never see and never call
Still I'll always catch you, if you ever fall.

And you drift when days grow cold again
Away from me and won't look back then.
Off to a land where time stands still
Yet I'm here for you and forever I will.

You dream the same redemption every night
A distant place far away from all sight.
And I'm still here with no windows barred
I'm here even if I'm broken and scarred.

And don't you worry I'll be here for you
If someday distance grow to quite a few.
Even if you forget me and never recall
Still I'll always catch you, if you ever fall.

I SEE YOU

(When you fall for your imagination....and feel someone who in reality doesn't exist....wrote it on 31st March, 2010)

I see you sitting by the window,
I see you by yourself all alone.
With dreams weaving in your eyes,
I see a soul, so lone and lonesome.

You reach for the gloomy moonlight,
That comes through your window.
I hear the notes of forgotten love,
That you sing along, all day long.

I feel your desire of longing memories,
In the midst of which you loose control.
I see your eyes wet of little tears,
A cute smile and a loner deep inside.

I see you feel the rain of lust,
I see your thirst of passionate love.
The desire of being loved once again,
Fills your soul with realms of hope.

Now I want to see you all day long.
I wish to see world through your eyes.
Because now without your love my life,
Ain't nothing but burnt ashes of time.

TOXICITY

(Some little thoughts came up....when deep inside....something amiss...someone is missed....wrote it on 30th March, 2010)

Slithering deep inside where I lie,
Slowly consuming what's been my life.
Blinded forever by the fear of hate,
I fight no more the writings of my fate.

I leave far behind this toxic place,
A world of ever endless twisting maze.
Are you watching ? Can you really see ?
The poison flows slowly all within of me.

It's no rain but the blood filled tears,
That stained my concrete face for years.
Concealed with memories of shredding strife,
I've lived year to year, life after life.

Now I await for my death angel's kiss.
A little desiring love for one final bliss.
Empty soul within, there's nothing left of me.
Need to see the end to finally set me free.

I lay with poison in my vein, they run.
The door is closed now, I don't see the sun.
Upon that old grave that swallows fast,
Now it's peace at last. Oh! It's peace at last !!

NOT APART

(I've been missing my "KAPAA" group from my school days a lot lately....wrote it on 9th March, 2010)

Sometimes in my life I often wonder
Why do I live in my lost memories more ?
Why do I always walk on the steps
That leads to the front of my past's door ?

I tried so hard to live in the present
But have lost myself in the world of hate.
A little smile yet a loner deep inside
Admitting myself to the writings of my fate.

But remembering the days of the past
When life was all of sunshine and rain.
I feel like I am newly born yet again
A little hope in the world of my pain.

Going back again to the realms of past
When to live a life was not only a name.
Tears of little joy roll down my cheek
Perhaps all of life was not playing a game.

Though still today I live in my memories
Where past still relives deep in my heart.
They say that past never let you move forward
But my past and present they are not apart.

ONCE BURNED, TWICE SHY

(This is for those people...who at some point of their life...considered me important to them....this is my longest and the only poem where I had my emotional outbursts while writing it....hope not to write these kinds ever again....wrote it on 4th March, 2010)

Remember, remember, there was a time
When he used to feel like a lonely boy.
No one to call him up or to take care
Living all alone with deprieved of joy.

It was then he saw me all by himself
He never felt alone again in his life.
For he called me his best friend ever
Someone to save him from all his strife.

Then in the midst came she in his life
And he slowly forgot all that was me.
He made me cry, start telling me lies
For I was someone he never wished to see.

Remember, remember, there was a time
When she could never trust anyone known.
Her thoughts were mocked and made fun of
Living among people yet she was alone.

It was then she found me from her lot
And again she regained the trust she lost.
For she called me her best friend ever
Ready to give anything this friendship cost.

But then came that fateful night of truth
When she was asked by her lot to choose.
If friendship was more or marks were more
Abandoned me for marks were precious to loose.

Remember, remember, there was a time
When she felt betrayed by her only love.
Her mind could never ever stay focused
With voices wispered of hate from above.

It was then she learnt about my existance
And she found someone to share her pain.
For she called me her best friend ever
Something in her life that's worth the gain.

And then came the cloud of doubts in her mind
She then wanted to get rid of what was me.
Running away and hiding in the darkness
Whenever there were glimpses of me to see.

Remember, remember, now gone are those days
When friendship in my life was only a bliss.
I was remembered over and over again by them
My name was called if something was amiss.

Today it's me who stands all alone by myself
It's me who lost all the trust I had long.
It's only me who is betrayed of love and life
But yet I pretend that nothing is wrong.

For if I try to reach out my hands forward
They would never bother for an ally reply.
For I'm not needed anymore in their life
That's why I feel now, "Once burned, twice shy !!"

TO YOU

(I guess my shortest poem till date....wrote it on 4th March, 2010)

Deep inside of me something amiss
In midst of my soul someone is missed.
The whole world of sadness engulfs
Out of the blue there's a sudden vacuum.

The race towards you is over now
A whole new era comes to an end.
But in my world time stands still
Inside of me your memories linger.

Some touches, some moments I recall
Some talk, some pretty smile stays on.
I sacrifice now and give it all up
But my spirit, my love, still stands tall.

To you, who made all the difference
To you, Who made me live once again.
To you, who gave me something to cheer
To you, for my life I bow to thee.

WITH OR WITHOUT YOU

(Just some random thoughts....which doesn't mean much....wrote it on 3rd March, 2010)

Once touched by all that love is
I took one step closer to you.
Now saddened by all that love is
I try to run far away from you.

Once surprised by what love is
Tried to remain alert in stillness.
Now I'm hurt by what love is
I yearn for a little of tenderness.

With being defeated by what love is
At the truthful moment of your sight.
Being forsaken by all that love is
Today I no longer wish for my right.

I see the stone set in your eyes
Sleight of hand and twist of fate.
I see the thorn twist in your side
On a bed of nails you made me wait.

Through the storm I reach the shore
With nothing to win yet I wait for you.
My hands are tied and my body is bruised
Yet ‎I live my life, with or without you.

THE CONFESSION

(I tried to hide it forever...but unknowingly I confessed it yesterday...perhaps truth cannot be kept in the dark for long...wrote it on 26th February, 2010)

There was once a truth never to be known
A truth inside, hidden beneath my soul.
A truth that I intended to hide forever
Keeping it from reality was my only goal.

Survived in my mission for over years
Never let it all out, kept it all along me.
Even against turbulent and hostile reality
I pretended with only blinded eyes to see.

But when success seemed to be so near
When against all temptation I broke apart.
A confession I made unknowingly in front of you
That I ever intended to hide from the start.

Perhaps I was done by the question asked
A question in disguise like a deadly cancer.
Never knowing of what I tried to say aloud
I was buried in the silence of my own answer.

Drawing regret from the truth of a thousand lies
Lies that I forged only to run away from you.
Only to realize that this may be the only truth
That will someday draw me one step closer to you.

STILL ALIVE

(To "Izzy" yet again....hope by some divine miracle you'd read this someday....if you really exist somewhere....wrote it on 23rd February, 2010)

Long gone are those unforgettable days
When life without you was unbearable.
Long gone are those fulsome shiny days
When life was a bit more than just living.

Perhaps you won't be able to see me again
Because I lie dead in the ashes of time.
But through the cute smile on your lips
I'm still living in you, I'm there still alive !!

Do you remember those days of the past
When we called each other every night ?
Do you remember all those silly fights
Those little exaltation and conceit aftermath ?

Perhaps you won't ever remember me again
Because my face is lost in the midst of all.
But through the tears hidden beneath your eyes
I'm still living in you, I'm there still alive !!

All the promises that we always used to make
Never to forget, never to let go of us.
Yet the promises made, they don't exist anymore
They were lost somewhere and were never found.

Perhaps you won't hear from me ever again
Because my voice won't reach to your soul.
But through the little dreams in your heart
I'm still living in you, I'm there still alive !!

GROWING UP

(I'm still looking for the answers....even though I know the results....wrote it on 18th January, 2010)

It's perfectly alright if you tell me
What in the world went wrong about me ?
Neither I'd shout at you nor I'd argue
I'd not even try to hold it against you.

I know well now that you are leaving
It's true even if it's not worth believing.
You must have your own decisive reason
Perhaps it may be friends shutting season.

I look in all my steps that I retrace
Try to solve that ignoring look on your face.
Maybe perhaps I'd rather try you calling
Sort out why in your eyes I'm only falling ?

I know about this timing and structure
About the results I'm going to see soon after.
It was someone else before and now it's you
Another same movie with same sneak preview.

Because it's already happened this extend
When I tried to turn to make a best friend.
Someone who'd try to feel and understand
Against big hurdles we'd together withstand.

But alas even then something went wrong
And I kept on waiting there for too long.
Now I see this cruising towards another pileup
But perhaps maybe this is my way of growing up.

THE JOURNEY

(A lonesome journey that I'm making....leaving behind everything that I had....I hope everything will be ok now....when I'd be really gone !!....wrote it on 17th January, 2010)

I'm making a lonesome journey to nowhere
No address to visit, no contacts to call.
A rover or just a wanderer, yet not lost
For how can I be lost, when I've nowhere to go ?

With oodle of desires, they crawl in my skin
With glimmer of hopes, they fill my heart.
I've got my rusty old wheels in motion
Now I've got a long distant road to beat.

In this lonesome journey of life and death
I'd remember those lost and found memories.
Some familiar faces to be remembered forever
Yet some painfull memories unable to erase off.

Still in the midst of my every thoughts
There'd exist a familiar pretty face of yours.
With the echos of your laugher and cries
They'd remain deep inside my soul till my end.

Call it a running away, or just only a quit
But it's the best repair, that time demands today.
Perhaps at some point in my life, we'd meet someday
When it'd really be alright, when it's gonna be ok.

For now I've found myself a road to nowhere
And I'm not trying to escape it any longer.
I'm making a lonesome journey, with wishes to all
Take care and keep smiling, until we meet again.

TEMPTATION

(I'm lost in your temptation....and I'm loosing control....wrote it on 12th January, 2010)

What black magic you've put upon me ?
I can't say no, my resistance resign.
My inner conscience urge me to stop now
But I just don't have the strength to decline.

I can't eascape your hands of temptation
Choking around my neck, disguised as love.
My silent screams are lost in your eyes
No one to take heed, says the voice from above.

I've now reached to a point of no return
Can't just get your voice out of my brain.
Taking vows of forgetting you, I wonder
When I'd next see your pretty face again.

The fragnance of you sweet temptation
Throughout the veins of my body it flow.
No sweet perfume ever tortured me like this
With my breath is faint and my voice is low.

With all my might I always try to ignore
Running and hiding myself from your limelight.
But I loose myself by the magic of your words
An enchanted temptation like the silent night.

I try to block out all thoughts of you
Before I start to loose all of my head.
But your temptation is a slythering snake
Cling all around me, crushing me till I'm dead.

METALHEADS

(For the "Metalhead" people like me....wrote it on 11th January, 2009)

My guitar screams to the notes that I hit
Be it the lines of Slayer or just Green day.
Putting up some serious heat up on the stage
We are here totally rocking the summer of May.

It's our own rock band which we named Katalyst
Formed when music became the key to our words.
We play music what the people call Heavy Metal
And our work is not for the cowards or the nerds.

Music and style, yeah that's our total passion
Even tried some tattoos to look way fucking cool.
The power and speed of our music is just too much
The other bands, they just stand and watch like fool.

The sound of the chords and bass rocks the show
Fans bang their heads when the snare sounds steel.
After yet another rocking performance on a high
We leave the stage with the heads-held-high feel.

We were grown seeing the likes of Kirk and James
We are the inspiring metalheads in the midst of you.
As long as music lives, our devils horn would rise
Cause real metalheads like us are only rare and few.

THE FACE INSIDE

(I hope someday....someone would see the real face inside this mask....wrote it on 9th January, 2010)

Well look at me, what do you see ?
A pretty face that always grins and lies.
But there's a face within this face
That is always hidden from your eyes.

Pretending is the art that I perform
But please don't get fooled by this game.
For this is just a face to hide myself
A mask that I wear with just a name.

Conspiracies and betryal they did with me
Even they called me a mysterious creep.
Still this face smile and laugh with them
But their words make the face inside to weep.

My face may always seem smooth to you
But this face is just only a mask.
A mask to hide fear, pain and aloneness
A mask to shield me from glances that only ask.

You may wonder why this hidden face inside ?
It's because they don't care my tears and sighs.
So I wear this face to hide the face inside
Which is torn from silent screams and tearless cries.

JUST A FOOL

(For that foolish person inside me....wrote it on the new year day of 2010)

You said that I was a fool to fall in love,
For my dreams which were simply naive.
You said that I was only too stupid enough,
To listen to my heart and believe.

I always wanted to make you understand,
That this fool is a fool for a reason.
But you always remained in the deathly dark,
Delivering only shadows in this season.

You said that I was a fool to hurt myself,
Out of the pain of suffocation and no breathing.
You said that I was a fool to slash my arm open,
Because you won't even care, if I die bleeding.

Cold and dead were the lonely nights,
With my dreams they are jolted awake.
In the midst of dark and flowing times,
Of night’s grandeur, my breath they only shake.

You said that I was a fool to believe in life,
Where no hope would ever present itself.
You said that I was just a fool and nothing more,
To be abused and to be put upon a dusty shelf.

I’ve been cold and I’ve been distant to all,
Perhaps being hated beyond life’s cruelest measure.
Still I’ve foundered love and stood firm upon it,
To seek nothing more than your heart’s treasure.

Still you said that I was a fool to fall in love,
For you are too blinded by games, hate and greed.
But I hope one day, a true fool I can find,
Because this lonely heart is one fool in need.